To augment this year’s Academy Awards, I’ve collected my own Best (or Worst) of entertainment for your reading pleasure. The following lumiaries have been designated to receive the coveted Georgie (as in George Washington) Award.

Best Actor in a Dramatic Series: John Boehner for “The Fiscal Cliff.”

Best Actor in a Comedic Series: John Boehner for “The Fiscal Cliff, the Sequel.”

Best Actor in a Fantasy: Barack Obama for “I thought the Constitution was an old wooden ship, so sue me.”

Best Actress in a Drama: Hilary Clinton for “Secretary of Stating the Obvious.”

Best Singer in a Musical Comedy: Mrs. Weiner for “Stand By Your Man.”

Best Actor in a Sports film: co-winners Bret Favre for “It’s Showtime” and Big Ben Rothlesberger for “I don’t have time for dating, just drink this and relax.”

Best Actress in a Comedy: Michelle Bachman for “When Elected President I Will Never Miss a Shoe Sale, uh, I mean Summit Meeting.”

Best Supporting Actors in a Drama: John McCain and Chris Christie in “Maybe Barack may not be such a bad guy after all.”

Best Actor/s in a Sci-Fi role; The Tea Party for “It’s an Alien, it’s a Muslim, no, it’s Obama the president?”

Best Sci-Fact Documentary: “Why is the water up to the Statue of Liberty’s waist?”

Best Supporting Actor/s in a Comedy: the Koch Brothers for “Shipping up to D.C.; financing the U.S.S. Tea Party.”

Best Music Video: The Koch Brothers (double winners) for their cover of Bob Dylan’s “Gotta Serve Somebody” with added lyrics, “Might as well be ourselves.”

Best Musical: The 99% singing “If I Was a Rich Man.”

Best Waste of Money: Justice Department for “Dude, where’s my $500 billion? The real story of the War On Drugs.”

Best Smear Campaign: Donald Trump for “Birther of a Nation.”

Best Defense of an Indefensible Position: Eric Holder’s explanation of the IRS scandal or Benghazi or wiretapping or – (you fill in the blanks, it‘s not multiple choice)

Best Blame Game: The GOP claiming that global warming is A) not happening or B) a liberal media conspiracy or C) Obama’s fault if it is happening.

Best Role Reversal: The GOP for “It’s a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad War, unless our party starts it.”

Best Huh? Award: The Joint Chiefs of Staff for “If a woman soldier doesn’t want to get raped she shouldn’t dress like that.”

Best Holy Matrimony Documentary: Divorced heterosexuals (47%) for “The Queers will destroy the sanctity of Marriage.”

Best Sleight of Hand Documentary: The NRA for “Sandy Hook; Kindergarteners are too young to vote anyway.”

The Porky Pig Benedict Arnold Award: Jersey’s Governor Chris Christie for his epic stand beside Obama anywhere.

Best Pretzel Logic: The GOP for giving Romney a pass on his income tax reports but forcing the President of the United States to produce a birth certificate to prove he is actually a citizen.

Best Black and White Drama: The televised Trayvon-Zimmerman trial by TV for “Stand your ground; For White’s Only”

The Lifetime Achievement Humanitarian Awards: The GOP for “Let’s gut the Farm Bill and starve the Kids but be sure and keep the farm subsidies going.”

Best Movie Villain: A three-way tie between Rick Perry for “Wouldn’t the Alamo make a cool 7/11?”, Arizona’s Sheriff Arpaio for “Put all the male convicts in pink jumpsuits and send all the womens to me in nothing at all” and San Diego’s Mayor Filner (Pinchner?) for “If God Didn’t Want Me To Pinch Em Why Did He Make Them So Bumpy?”

Best TV Quote: The U.S. Congressional Plutocrats for admitting “We love Democracy, for you (name a country) but it just don’t work for us.“

Best Use of the Vote; The GOP’s efforts to stop minorities from voting.

Best Picture: the Supreme Court for “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner: Citizens United or How I Learn to Stop Hating Corporations and Have Some Over for Dinner.”

Jerry Tuck is a retired San Andreas resident and an indie author. Contact him at olwhofan@aol.com or use the Contact Form.